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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
This recliner and I go way back.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.