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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying