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Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.