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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
It was all so different before everything changed.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.