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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.