Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
The only dates I get are updates.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”