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Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop