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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.