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Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?