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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?