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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
I’m late for a disappointment.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.