Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!