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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
Iām mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
It seems like the āLā in my luck has been replaced with an āFā.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?