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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
cuss words = sentence enhancers
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.