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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.