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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.