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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!