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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.