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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!