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I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.