Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
only fights if pillows are present.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.