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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"