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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?