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if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
Serving size ?? LMAO
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!