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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.