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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.