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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.