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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?