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Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Save time. See it my way.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Tieam... problem solved
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.