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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.