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WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: