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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button