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If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.