Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.