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DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.