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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?