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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.