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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."