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I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.