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Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?