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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.