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Screw it, Iām starting Friday now.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.