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"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.