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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!