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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
I believe in love at first episode.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Iām not in denial, Iām just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)