Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"