Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.