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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly