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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.