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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.