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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.