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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
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My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
This status is mine....I licked it.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories