Daily Silly Status

You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!

They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09

I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"

Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.

Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.

Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.

I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....

Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.

The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.

I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA

Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.

Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere

I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.

Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.