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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.