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I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.