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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!