Daily Silly Status

I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.

You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.

I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.

There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.

If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.

I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!

It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.

I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.

I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.

My brain has too many tabs open.

I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday

I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.

I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.

Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.

If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.