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We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?