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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".