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Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Very productive day today, turd-wise
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.