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I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
AWESOME!
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.