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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
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Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.