Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or Iโm about to be murdered.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, Iโll ask him; โso how does my lack of progress make you feel?โ
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
Even if gas prices go down, Iยดm still going to siphon gas from my neighborยดs car because I like the adrenaline rush and heยดs an a$$hole
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
If weโre not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Iโm so happy people canโt hear what Iโm thinking.
You know that button in the elevator with the firemanยดs hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a firemanยดs hat.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.