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Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.