Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven