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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.