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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes
Smelling another person should be a choice.