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I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?