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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball