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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole