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I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.