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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome