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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.