Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I make a great second impression.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.