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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.