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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.