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Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks