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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?