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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.