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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!