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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...