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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
Smooth move.........ExLax
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.