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That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.