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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.