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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....