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I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.