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Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking