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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.