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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
Attention fuels immaturity
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.