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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.