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When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...