Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
I play hard to get along with.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver